So much buildup, so much hype. So many people around the world glued to the tele. Rabid fandom beyond anything we're used to with football or hockey or whatever. One month of hype and games, and how does it end? Fittingly. The World Cup Fuggin Final came down to what? Penalty shots? In a game in which scoring chances are as rare as a perfect analogy, the victor is decided by giving a player a free kick, some 15 feet in front of the net?! Are you kidding me?

Soccer goalies already have it tough. They have to mind a net as big as a barn. On penalty shots, the best they can do is guess the 50/50 shot that the ball is going left or right. Half the goals scored, however, went straight at the goalie's standing position as he dove away in the direction of his guess. You'd think that this would mean the goalie has a 33% shot of guessing it right if he just stands still, but apparently they never do. I'd put a goalie's chance at stopping a penalty shot at 15%, and that's mainly based on kicker error. The World Cup was decided not because of a great save, but because a Frenchman's kick hit the crossbar. (ZUT ALORS!)

The game ended with a sad and pathetic whimper. Sad and pathetic like the countless players who fell down and cringed and rolled around as if shot by an elephant gun, only to get up and smile once the foul was given to the offending player. Sad and pathetic like the stretchers brought out for every twisted ankle, every bumped toe, every poked eye. Yes, a stretcher was indeed brought out for a guy who was poked in the eye. He even got on it and was carried off. Can you tell I don't like soccer? Soccer fans should watch what hockey players do when they get cross-checked to the back of the head by a guy crushing him into the boards at 15 mph. They should take note at how every hockey team has a resident dentist at every game, and having teeth knocked out only means missing a few shifts while the repair work is done.

I won't be waiting impatiently for World Cup 2010.

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